


Looking Down Ancilliaries

by Sanorace



Series: Looking Down [2]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anal Beads, Angst, Consensual, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Recovery, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:30:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2075118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanorace/pseuds/Sanorace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sybil helps Sam face his fears of intimacy in a series of omitted scenes from "Looking Down" that segue to "Past the Dark." These were left out mostly because of the smut in them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are bits of the story that didn't make it. The first one I cut because I felt like it. The rest have continuity flaws and aren't really edited for ease of reading or comprehension. The smut is in the next chapters.

**And the moral of this story is…**

Sam gained a lot of power when he married Sybil, enough to make a serious impact on the world if he chose to use it, but he knew that no amount of money could change how people thought. Sam had always been able to see the falsehoods in reality. He chose which lies are better followed than ignored, but never forgot they were lies.

All Sybil did was give him a chance to realize that he had complete power over himself. The bottle was just a bottle and the beast was just a beast.

He took control. He fought the titles, the feathers. He fought against unmerited authority. He fought for his own laws, for what he knew was right.

He would allow only the trusted to share his thoughts and to see into his heart. So when Captain Carrot saw him in that blue shawl with ducks on it, Sam didn't mind too much, because time and time again he had proven he could trust him with all that and more. Sally on the other hand was going to regret it.

 

* * *

**Kick the dog... more**

\--This is the original version. I had to change it because it caused too many problems no matter what I did. Now it doesn't make sense. I also didn't want to torture Vimes like this. There are already fics out there that describe brutal torture to characters and I didn't want this one to be like that. 'Looking Down' is about recovery and moving on, not the trauma itself. I wanted the story to be relatable to everyone. People fear things just as strongly even when it doesn't originate from something horrifyingly inhumane.--

.

Sam left the bathroom in the blue robe that he had claimed as his own. It was fluffy and warm yet still had the absorbent power that gives a bathrobe purpose. Those silky dressing gowns just stuck on his skin and got in the way. He had to go find Sybil and explain to her why he had been so short with her in the garden. This wasn't going to be easy but she deserved to know. In the back of his heart, Sam wanted her to know.

"The sound of the springs. Even in my own bed I can hear them. Every night since then I would lie down in my bunk and hear the whine of those springs, a daily reminder of how worthless I am. I couldn't relax at night. My muscles were always tight as I lay perfectly still. If I moved at all, I would hear that noise. I would stay awake until I couldn't stand. Even passing out drunk in the street was better than sleeping in my bed. I was trash, subhuman, ashamed to sleep on a proper bed, afraid of what might happen if I heard the screech of coils again."

"In that room, the air suffocated me. The stench, I was dirty, covered in sweat and my own cum."

"At first it wasn't that bad. She just held me down and yelled at me. After that, I had to learn how to satisfy her without coming myself…" Sam went silent for a long time. He shivered and clutched Sybil. The next words were barely recognizable. "The next time she did it, she didn't give me a sonky."

"I tried so hard not to come inside her. No matter how many times I said no, my body still disobeyed me. She could make me hard even when I didn't want it. I was desperate, so much that I eagerly learned every technique she taught me in attempt to please her before I reached my breaking point. Even so, there were times that I failed."

"I could have a child out there somewhere growing up with that horrible woman and I don't even know its name or even if it's alive! There's even the possibility that it never existed at all."

"I was afraid. I tried to ignore it. I tried to forget, but I had to see her, to know. I wanted my child."

.

Possibilities:

.

"I went looking for her. Six months later I found her. She was skinny. She killed it."

"I went looking for her. I found her dead, my baby cold inside her.''

"I went looking for her. I never saw her again. I never found my baby."

 

* * *

**Choosing to move the stars**

\--This is the depressing story that I thought up while writing the previous depressing story. I cut it out because of how depressing it was and I really didn't want to pull that sort of thing out on my readers. I also couldn't bear to keep writing it. It would have fit well into the angst category though…--

.

Sybil sobbed and her whole body shuddered. She held on to Sam with all her strength. She didn't even think that she might be hurting him. His voice had lost all emotion. It was as if he were giving a report on a crime scene. He was speaking of a different man who was murdered long ago, a man who should not have survived. Sybil felt him slipping away. His words made her believe that the man she loved had been dead all along, a ghost that she had tricked herself into thinking was real. Images of the last few years flashed through her head. In each one, Sam wasn't real. He was just a crazy hallucination dreamed up from her tacky romance novels. The sycophants in the aristocracy just went along with it because she was rich. They laughed behind her back not because she was marrying a common watchman, but because she planned an elaborate wedding for a man who didn't exist.

He always ran off during important events. He didn't like to be seen by her friends. She had imagined him to be weak so she would have control over him. She made him only use his fingers because she was just playing with herself. He cried for her when she wanted to cry. She made him run away because she couldn't take it. It was all an illusion, a lie that she had made herself believe the dream that there was anyone who cared for her and not her status.

The watch came around to her house just to check on the crazy dragon lady. They reported to him to keep her happy. They humored her because she had helped the economy by organizing a big wedding. No one wanted to tell her she was wrong because then they wouldn't get paid. It was all about money. It had always been like that. The man she loved had been dead for years. Maybe he had never existed at all.

"When I got away, I avoided getting at all close to women or anyone for that matter. Then I met you…"

No, he never got away. They never met. It was all in her head.

"Even though your presence trampled over my resolve and made me think of those awful memories, I couldn't ignore you. When you smiled at me for the first time, everything disappeared. For one tiny instance, all I could see was you. It was a split second of condensed happiness and hope. No amount of bearhuggers could even compare to the intoxicating feeling you gave me. The pain afterwards was excruciating, but you were worth it."

Sam lifted her head off his wet shoulder and looked into her crying eyes. His image waved in front of her like distortions in her mind. He was only an illusion, a mirage glimmering in the distance.

"That pain follows me even now. Being near you chokes me constantly, but I don't ever want to leave. Those moments of joy have been coming more frequently."

Sam wiped the tears out of her eyes so that she could see him clearly for the first time in years. She stared at him and cried.

Just a pillow, dirty and worn.

Sybil held him tightly and tried to forget what deep down she had always known. She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled back into the dream.

"I love you," he whispered.

.

When Carrot was made a captain, he visited Sybil and declared that 'Samuel Vimes' had been promoted. She was so happy. Now she would be a duchess. Carrot knew it was a cruel thing to do, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He felt responsible now that he had taken the position. He wanted to keep coming to see her. He liked how she always smiled when he made his reports to 'Captain Vimes.'

When she was taken to Uberwald, Carrot chased her. He didn't tell her the real reason why she had been escorted there. He simply said that he was following the one he loved. He let her fill in the blanks by herself. He always liked how her stories clicked into place with real events. Sometimes he could almost forget that they didn't happen. He wanted to be part of her world. He wanted her to see him and smile like she did for 'Samuel Vimes.'

In his heart, he knew it would never happen.

* * *

**The woman**

I took care to dehumanize Sam's attacker while keeping her realistic. I never described how she looked. I never gave her dialogue. The aggressive thoughts in Sam's head are not quotes but rather Sam's lies opposing him. I wanted the woman to come out as similar to Teatime in that she had no remorse and an almost childlike mentality but more motivated by anger. Her anger isn't just from her sister's death.

I couldn't send Sam on a quest for vengeance. I didn't want to give her any remaining power over him. Revenge would keep her alive in Sam's mind. She would become a target, a goal to strive towards. She would stay in his life and I just couldn't do such a mean thing to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the parts of chapters that I omitted from Looking Down because they were too smutty.

"Er… you can… let go now," Sam said.

Sybil slid her hands away slowly and touched his shoulders. She smiled at him.

"What if I don't want to?" said Sybil with a little mischief in her voice.

"You mean you still want to be with me even after all I've made you do?"

"I take my vows seriously. Either way, you owe me. You told me you'd make it up to me if I went through with this."

Sam nodded solemnly.

"Good, now that that's settled, take off your clothes."

Sam blushed and hesitantly followed her request.

"Lie down right here. I'm going to make you take reasonability for all the frustration I've had to go through. You'd better make it worth it."

Sam immediately lay down on his side exactly where she had instructed.

"What if I don't make it worth it?" He asked anxiously.

"Then you'll just have to do it again tomorrow until I'm satisfied."

She closed the gap between them and pressed her body against his. She wound together their legs and kissed him, making it quite clear that this was not going to be a light kiss. She raided his mouth greedily running her tongue over every last bit of the inside of his mouth. He could barely keep up. They separated panting.

Sam put his arms around her and pulled her closer so that he could kiss her behind her ear and down her neck. She ran her hand down his back touching his scar and landing on his ass. Sam gasped softly and arched his back pressing up against Sybil. He was already starting to get hard.

She pulled him on top of her and kissed him passionately. He moaned and kissed down to her chest still trying to keep most of his weight off of her. His tiny kisses ended right between her breasts. She snatched up one of his hands and placed it under her boob. He grasped it a little too tightly.

"Be careful." Sybil admonished.

"Sorry," he said guiltily and held it with more care.

Sybil held on to his shoulders as he explored her nipples. He kissed and licked them. She pushed his head down to tell him to touch her more and he was all too willing to comply. He sucked her greedily but gently never using his teeth and never pulling too hard. Sybil would have liked more but she wanted to let Sam be in charge now.

He ran his hands slowly down her sides. She giggled at the ticklish spot. Sam took the cue and placed a trail of fluttering kisses along the sensitive skin. Sybil locked her arm down to cover it up. Sam paused

"Should I not have done that?"

"It's all right, just don't exploit it."

He moved his hands gently to her hips and licked her belly button with a quick flick of his tongue. He slid his hands further and paused.

"Its fine, go ahead."

Sam shivered a bit and chickened out. He kissed along her hip bone to her thigh. Sybil panted and spread her legs apart invitingly. Sam kissed her inner thigh and drew his hands up to her crotch. Sybil clutched at his hair.

"Don't you want me to make you feel good too?" asked Sybil.

"No," said Sam a bit quicker than was necessary.

Sybil was about to question this when he passionately kissed the nook between her inner thigh and her pussy. She shouted in pleasure at the surprising change in his pressure. She felt him press into her lips with a finger. He paused and took it out.

"Oh come on don't tease me like that."

She spread her legs wider. He moved forward hesitantly. Sybil could feel his cock hard against her. He ran his fingers up too her nipples and played with them some more before kissing her.

"I want you Sam." She said breathlessly.

Sam suddenly stopped.

"Don't worry, I'll show you were to go," she said.

Sybil reached down, but Sam backed away from her hand.

"Get closer, I can't reach."

"No."

"No?"

"I won't."

"Seriously? You don't have to be scared. I want this. You're not going to hurt me or anything. I've done this before."

Sam backed up even further.

"I can't do it."

"Yes you can!"

Sam was shaking but his face conveyed nothing.

_Is it me? Do I smell that bad? No, that's not it. He's just being a baby. He's not getting away this time._

Sybil sat up and grabbed Sam's throbbing cock. He yelled out and crouched protectively over his penis.

_Oh gods, I want him!_

"You better put this in me right now or you'll regret it! I've been patient long enough!"

She slid her hand down his shaft and touched the head. Pre cum dripped out.

"NO! Don't do that! I can't take it! Please stop!"

"Oh really? You ask me to stop when you've made me this wet? I want you to thrust that rock hard cock into me right this minute!"

Against all rationality, Sam slowly and unsteadily crept away.

"Don't make me do it! I'm sorry! I didn't…"

Sybil gave him a squeeze. Sam screamed and let out more pre cum.

"Sybil please there has to be another way!"

She looked at her husband's panicked expression and felt his cock twitching in her hand.

_He wants it just as much as I do. Sex is an animal instinct. Why doesn't he just let it happen? He's so hard. He's painfully close. It must be torture for him, but he's still holding back. HOW THE HELL IS HE DOING THAT?_

Sam set his eyes resolutely. He firmly pushed away Sybil's hand and leaned across her body sideways. Suddenly and forcefully, he thrust two of his fingers into her. Sybil gasped at his sudden movement. Sam winced but Sybil didn't notice. She was understandably preoccupied. He plunged his fingers in as deep as he could. Sybil moaned with pleasure as he pumped her wet pussy. He twisted and wiggled his fingers inside her.

"Oh Gods Sam yes!"

He lowered his body to get a different angle and added a third finger. Sam's throbbing cock pushed up against Sybil's side.

"Yes! Faster! Oh that feels amazing!"

Sam's cock was twitching and wet against her stomach. She felt him lower himself ever so slightly until her nipples barely brushed against his skin. The teasing touch was pleasantly erotic. He moved his thumb to caress her clit.

"Right there! Oh Sam, yes!"

Sybil panted so close to climax. She pulled down on Sam's shoulders and grabbed his cock just as he thrust his fingers deep into her. Sam shouted as he came and pushed his fingers in her pussy forcefully. Sybil arched her back as she came harder than she had in years. His cock twitched against her and he let out a little more cum. Sam continued to pump her extending her climax a little longer then stopped his fingers still inside her. Both of them were panting heavily.

Sam removed his wet fingers slowly and used a sheet corner to clean his cum off Sybil's stomach. She didn't let him get very far. She pulled him down on top of her and kissed him with all her heart. Sam responded but broke away quickly.

Sybil tried to look into his eyes but Sam turned away and continued to mop up his cum guiltily. Sybil took his wrist to stop him. He wouldn't even look at her. His hands were shaking. He shifted his body and used his other hand to wipe it off her skin.

"Sam, you don't have to do that right now. I'll get cleaned up later. Come here. You're ruining the afterglow."

Sam discarded the sheet and lay down beside her. He nudged his head under her chin so she couldn't see his face. Sybil wrapped her arms around him. She could feel his body shivering.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…"

He held on to her desperately.

"Well I suppose it makes sense that you wouldn't want to go all out on your first time with me, but you don't have to be sorry for that. It turned out okay… more than okay actually."

She blushed and smiled but Sam couldn't see it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that was supposed to segue into "Past the Dark" before I used the trousers of time on "Looking Down". This also includes the anal version of the end of chapter eleven. "Past the Dark" is a weird spin off where Vimes goes to Vetinari for help too. The premise is that he was raped by both a man and a woman and now needs to face it by having consensual threesome smut and some OOC angst. I know it's stupid but I wrote it anyway.

Sybil handed him the other sheet of paper. Sam was clearly unhappy with many of the ideas. At one point, he had to stop reading and look away. He did smile at some of them and one made him snort.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"You said you want me to make a meal based only on foods I can stick inside your pussy."

"I wasn't sure about that one. I thought you would say that it's sick."

Sam laughed softly.

"No, that's not it… well, it is sick, but I just can't do that because I'm a bad cook."

"You smiled at some other ones."

Sam blushed vibrantly and looked at the floor.

"I really um, that is… I didn't think you would…"

"Spit it out Sam," she said impatiently.

"I'd love to see you… but I don't think Angua would consent to that." He glanced at her tentatively.

"Oh, don't be like that. I just think she's beautiful. I have absolutely no intention of leaving you but if ever I had to make out with a woman, it would be her. That doesn't mean I would let you two have an affair. Is that clear?"

Sam nodded curtly and traced a finger down the list. Sybil held her breath.

"I can't do the one with the hardboiled egg. That's something I would never do," he said with firm conviction.

_That's strange. What does he have against eggs? Why hasn't he mentioned the most obvious ones? I thought he'd refuse those right away. Maybe he just doesn't want to even talk about them._

Sam compared all of the lists quietly. When he met Sybil's eyes, his expression was uncertain and sad.

"There are a few of these that I also have on my list. I… didn't think any of them would match. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

_Oh no, does that mean the ones he hasn't addressed are things he's been forced to do or are they things he just didn't expect me to want?_

"Would you try them with me?" Sybil asked nervously. "I won't be like her, I swear."

"I don't want to have to go out and actually purchase any apparel. I'd prefer to not own those things, but…" He got that faraway look in his eye again. "I shouldn't be saying this, but… I also… I mean she would… Damn it Sybil, I want you to put things inside me! She would make me… and, I liked it. I know I shouldn't and it doesn't make sense but I really did." Sam paused, but continued before Sybil had a chance to speak. "I hated being tied down, but the idea of you doing it to me makes me hard! I hated that other man, but…"

_Oh gods! Is he… he wouldn't._

Sam turned bright red and started shaking fearfully. He was trying so hard to look as small as possible.

"I hated it when he was there, but… I want to feel it again. I want to make love to you with… someone… I just can't!"

Sybil watched him with her mouth hanging open and her cheeks flushed. She blinked.

"Wait, you're seriously considering this? Why did you say no to Angua then?"

"I can't have sex with another woman. That's adultery."

Sybil placed her hand over her eyes.

"You're saying that you'd go against your sexual preferences just so I can have a threesome? I didn't imagine you would even think about doing that, especially with another man."

"I think it's the best option."

"You don't have to agree to either of them!"

"I want to. I have to. I hated it before but that's the point. That's why I made you pretend you were choking me. I had to know what it felt like to be touched like that by someone I could trust."

"You do know that a threesome normally involves three people right? I can't think of any men who love you other than Carrot, and that's just because he loves everyone. This is just weird. I didn't expect this at all."

Sam blushed and looked down.

"I'd rather you choose someone you're familiar with. Someone you never got to ask. We're married now, so I don't really mind if you pick someone better than me… It's okay."

"Sam, there is without a doubt no one better than you."

He didn't look very convinced. "Maybe Willikins?"

"No," said Sybil sternly, "there is a reason I only address him by his last name."

"Should I be worried?"

"Hell no, he's perfectly trustworthy."

"But—"

"I'll tell you about it later. The important thing is that we have to pick someone else. It's not supposed to go like this. I'm not even sure I want to do this. I know I wrote it down but now that I think about it maybe we should wait."

"It's not going to get any less traumatic over time, Sybil. I can't forget how it felt. I just want you to know too."

"The thing is that I would love to have a threesome with you, but I don't want to hurt you in the process. I don't want to make it worse."

"There is no possible way for you to make rape worse than it already is. When you're with me, everything is automatically better."

_Damn it, why does he have to say things like that?_

"At least let me see the damage first. I'll decide after that. Maybe I can make it enough for you on my own."

"It's not… like that."

"At least let me try. You never know."

* * *

Sybil had gone out and bought some beads. Sam had asked her not to buy things like that, but she had convinced him about the beads.

Sam admitted to playing with himself. He hated what had been done to him and was ashamed for craving that stimulation again when he knew he shouldn't want it. Sybil was overjoyed that he actually liked anal play. She had been worried that she would never get to share something that she loved. She enthusiastically agreed to show him how much better it felt when done properly.

Sam lay down on his side and bent his knees to his chest so Sybil could see his asshole.

"Well it actually looks pretty normal to me," she said.

"No it's not. I can feel it. Something is wrong."

"You mean this?"

"…yes," whispered Sam.

"I don't know what it was before but now it just looks like a skin tag or maybe a light colored mole."

"But it still doesn't look right…"

"It's fine. I don't really care one way or the other. Assholes aren't exactly pretty to begin with. A little bump thing isn't going to make it more ugly. To tell you the truth, it might have formed afterwards. You don't eat enough healthy food. Constipation is not funny and hemorrhoids can cause a lot of damage. From what I can see, it's nothing to be worried over."

Sam relaxed a little. Sybil could see more of his asshole.

"Oh I see. That's what you're on about."

"What is it? What do you see?" He automatically tensed up.

"I can't see it properly when you do that."

He relaxed again.

"That's interesting."

"Don't say that like I'm one of your sick dragons."

"Sorry, it's just that I want to try something."

Sam made an indecisive sound.

"Oh don't worry. I'll be gentle."

Sam moved so she could reach him better. He flinched when she touched him.

"That didn't seriously hurt did it? I barely did anything."

"No… it just… nevermind."

"Hey, this is convenient. There's this dip on the edge here. I could probably just slide my finger right in. Hmm, not quite. It's a little too small. Can you loosen up a bit?"

Sam made a conscious effort to release the tension in his muscles. Sybil's finger dropped in easily. Sam's asshole twitched indecisively. He craved more but was scared also.

"Um…"

"The skin looks like it was torn there. Knowing you, you probably didn't get it properly sutured and it just healed that way."

"I don't trust doctors."

Sam kept the answer short because Sybil had pushed her finger in further. She idly stirred it around while she spoke.

"What's really strange is that there isn't a lot of scarring. From what I've heard, that woman was ruthless. I expected her to have just torn you up completely. This doesn't match."

"She wouldn't touch me there. She said it wasn't hygienic. There was… He… I don't want to talk about it."

Sybil pulled out her finger and rolled over Sam so she could lie beside him face to face.

"Now will you tell me?"

Sam paused and his cheeks turned bright red. Sybil waited. She held Sam's face gently in her hands. Sam looked down.

"I told you before that there was… a man too. He wasn't always there though…" Sam stammered quietly.

Sybil buried her head in Sam's chest. She didn't want him to see her red face. Sam held her tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have told you."

"No no no," she said, her voice muffled. "I'm surprised and um…" Sybil didn't want to finish that sentence. She guided the conversation a different route. "Do you know who he was?"

"No, I never saw his face. He always blindfolded me."

"He was different from her. I can tell," said Sybil.

Sam's anger suddenly boiled over.

"That bastard wasn't any damn different! He could have helped me but he joined in instead!"

Sybil flinched at Sam's sudden outburst. He caught himself and caged in his anger.

"I'm sorry."

"You have every right to be mad, but I won't let you take it out on me especially when you haven't let me explain myself yet.

Sybil looked him in the eye. Sam looked anxious as if she would attack him at any moment.

"Sorry…" Sam muttered.

Sybil sighed, "That man wasn't the same, Sam. I've taken a good look and it's all healed surprisingly well. Either you have super butt hurt regeneration powers or the damage wasn't as severe as you thought to begin with. It's obvious he raped you, and that's not excusable, but I feel as if something is missing. He couldn't have been as sadistically psychotic as that woman was. He was a different branch of evil."

"He couldn't have been just a stupid thug though. He must have known what he was doing if he managed to make you feel good enough to want it again even after all that. Try to remember what he was like specifically. Split the memory and look at him as a separate factor. Isolate him. Assume he has no connection to her other than through you."

Sam's nose wrinkled up.

"I don't think I can… I don't remember well." He didn't want to remember it well.

"Start with just one instance where he was there." Sybil was not taking the hint or maybe she just chose not to.

Sam's face turned fearful. He closed his eyes and tried to remember.

"Keep your eyes open, Sam."

Sam focused on Sybil's face while he searched his memories.

"There was ginger beer," Sam said. "It hurt like hell. Eventually, I learned to position myself so that it felt…nice. He stopped doing it after that."

Sybil waited for him to continue but he didn't.

_He caused maximum pain without leaving a lot of marks. I don't think I know what to say about that._

"He liked playing with me as if I were some kind of doll. It was humiliating. I might have been able to tolerate the pain a bit better if he hadn't been so demeaning."

"What do you mean a doll?" asked Sybil.

"Feathers…" said Sam quietly. "Ribbons… Flammable things."

"So he was the one who…"

Sam scrunched his eyebrows together and tried to remember. Sybil could feel him trembling.

"No, but he was there." Sam whispered uncertainly. "I heard him. I think he… left?" Sam moved his shoulder blades trying to shield his scar from view. "It was lace of some sort. Even if that bastard didn't start the fire, he watched me burn."

Samuel stayed silent for a long time clutching Sybil and staring at nothing. He didn't cry or shake. He lay there paralyzed.

"Sam?"

Sybil's voice brought his mind back to him and he started to sob. He held her tightly as if she would melt away at any second. He pressed his body into her soft skin desperately trying not to wake up from the dream, the ephemeral illusion of a woman who could never exist in his life. He wanted to be a part of her so she wouldn't disappear. He wanted to be inside her and stay in her love forever. His body wasn't enough. He wished he could sink past her skin and be completely covered by her. He wanted to hide inside her and let her pick apart his soul piece by piece. He wanted to believe that she could wash away all his pain and fear. He wanted the fantasy to be real. He wanted these things so much, but he knew he would never deserve them.

"It hurts…" Sam whispered.

This angel in his arms could not possibly be there. She was a glimpse of happiness, a taunt from fate, before reality caught up with him and took her away. Stories like this don't come true for someone like him.

"Please let me stay with you, if only just a little longer. Don't make me let go… I can't be alone again."

"I promise I will still be here tomorrow," said Sybil.

"It's a lie."

"No, I'm serious. I have nothing better to do tomorrow than stay here with you. I've actually cleared my schedule just in case you wanted to, I don't know, spend some time with me."

"A joke then?"

"Sam, all of humanity is a joke. It's best just to play along and laugh a bit on the way." Sybil smiled warmly and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Does that mean you'll let me stay with you?" he asked.

"Of course it does. We went over this before. I love you. You make me smile. That's more than anyone else has given me," she said.

She kissed him passionately. Sam welcomed her inside and obediently surrendered his mouth to her. It was only her tongue, but still the sensation of having her inside him was intoxicating.

"Can you… I want you to touch me inside."

Sybil smiled radiantly.

"Let me show you what I can do."

After a bit of preparation, Sybil pushed her slick finger into Sam's asshole. He made a sharp breath and tried to relax for her. She made sensual circular motions and cupped his cock with her other hand. Sam adjusted his hips so she could more easily insert another finger. The healed break in his muscles made the transition much smoother. She pushed her fingers further inside. Sam's asshole clung to her on the way out. She stroked his dick and licked the area around her fingers. She twisted them gently trying to loosen all of the muscles equally.

Sybil stirred her fingers around inside him. She drew them in and out searching for a specific point. Sam gasped and she knew she had found it. She rubbed her fingers right up to the edge of it and pulled back. She pushed a tiny bit further then retreated like a wave on the sand but Sam wanted to jump right in.

"Please, Sybil. It felt so good."

She touched just outside the area. Sam whimpered longingly. He shoved his hips backward and Sybil's fingers hit him deep inside. He swayed his ass and pumped himself as Sybil stayed still. She smirked and suddenly jammed her fingers directly against his prostate. He moaned loudly as she massaged it back and forth. She stroked his cock and made him hard.

"You've got to… to stop," Sam panted even though his body obviously thought otherwise. "Don't do this… Oh but it feels amazing!"

Sam's moment of indecision made Sybil cautious. She slowed down and slid her hand off his dick. Sam moved away from her fingers and sat on the bed trying to steady himself.

"Thanks," he said. "It's getting harder to stop myself around you. Sorry, I got carried away." He looked at her genuinely ashamed of himself. "It can't just be me. That's not right."

"What if I want it to be just you?"

Sam looked at her incredulously. The idea was inconceivable to him.

"But it's not supposed to—"

Sybil kissed him and cut his words short.

"I can choose to do it this way just like that woman chose not to. I want to watch you enjoy it knowing that I'm the one making you feel this way. I want to play with you and show you I am better than that man because I can do it right."

"No, I don't want you to, I mean, you don't have to… it's just that, I'll be too far ahead of you. I'll come before you and I won't be able to continue and you'll be mad because I'm already causing problems and you shouldn't lose a chance because this is our honeymoon and you're supposed to have more than this but I'm being such a coward that I can't give you what you want and if I come now then I won't be able to do it again for a while and there's a limit to the amount of days the honeymoon is so if I take one all for myself then I'm cheating you out of an important part of why we're here to begin with!"

Sybil burst out laughing. She tackled Sam and rolled on top of him. Her laughter made her boobs jiggle tantalizingly.

"You're right. The honeymoon isn't long enough. It's too bad you have so much work you need to do after we get home. Now that you've retired your schedule is too jam packed for you to have sex with me. If only we had some money set aside so we could stay here longer."

Sam glared at her.

"You didn't have to say it like that."

Sybil retrieved the new set of anal beads that they had purchased earlier and rolled one between her fingers. She gave him a quick peck on the tip of his nose.

"How about you get on your knees and let me have some fun. I'll have you make it up to me next time if it's so important to you."

That seemed to satisfy Sam enough for him to agree. He got on his knees and used one hand to spread his cheeks. He blushed vibrantly.

"Thank you…"

Sybil prepared Sam's ass with plenty of lubricant. It was chilly but he didn't care. The sensation of his wife's fingers diligently stretching him out was forefront in his mind. Her warm fingers dug inside him and slowly relaxed his muscles painlessly. He felt a sense of loss when she pulled out her fingers. For a second he feared that she would simply stop just like the man in his memories. He froze at the thought of what the woman would do afterwards.

Sybil put a stop to his misplaced fears. She pushed a bead inside his ass and heard Sam gasp. His hole swallowed it and was still open for more. He raised his hips higher in anticipation. She forced in another one, slightly bigger than the last. Sam's asshole twitched. His body shuddered as she put in another one.

"Keep going," he moaned and spread his legs wider.

Sybil buried two beads right after the other. Sam's breathing grew heavier. He knew there was only one left. He groaned in pleasure as Sybil gently pushed the last one in. Sam's asshole closed around it drawing it inside. It twitched making the end of the string jump. He moved his hips and moaned as the beads shifted inside him. Sybil pulled on the string.

"No not yet. I need to remember this," said Sam.

"Huh?"

"I'm making nice memories to put beside my old ones."

"So they cancel each other out?" Sybil guessed.

"Not really. They're both still there, but it's more like they're connected. It's hard to explain. It's like a balance scale, but not anything like a balance scale because metaphors just don't cut it in this situation."

"So is that a good thing?"

"I'm not sure, but it's not bad… I think."

"Should I take them out now?"

Sam lay down on his side so he could see Sybil. He bent his knee and held it in the air. He reached down and pulled a cheek to fully expose his asshole. Sam looked at his wife with soft eyes.

"Yes, that will be a heavy memory to add to the good side of my insufficient metaphor."

Sam focused entirely on his wife. The anticipation was killing him.

Sybil supported his hovering leg and left a trail of kisses down his thigh. She caressed his cock with infuriating gentleness and watched her husband's pleading expression. She tugged on the string in in short spurts never letting out too much per pull. The first bead started to come out but Sybil pushed it back in with her finger until the beads were even deeper than before.

"Please don't leave me like this."

"What do you think I'll do, just get up and walk away?" said Sybil sarcastically.

Sam swallowed hard suddenly uncertain. The man from his memories had used beads too. The thought made him shiver. His face fell and he looked away from her.

Sybil leaned forward. She slid her hands up his body as she laid herself on top of him. She tilted his head and kissed him. Her lips were warm and loving.

"No matter what," Sybil said. "I will never walk away from you."

She went back and settled comfortably between Sam's legs so she had a view of both his face and his ass. She passed her hand over different parts of his crotch and drew on the string.

Sam closed his eyes and relaxed. He focused entirely on the sensation of the beads passing through his muscles one at a time. Sybil pulled slowly but with just enough speed to satisfy him. She watched his asshole grow and shrink as it reluctantly gave up each bead.

Sam moaned when he reached the end of the strand. It was the feeling that he wanted but didn't get back then. This was how it should have gone. This time it was right simply because Sybil was the one doing it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early version of the bath scene from chapter twelve. I originally had it happen earlier in the story and just decided to totally rearrange it. There's also alternate version of the last chapter that I chopped up to make chapter five.

Sybil got up from her chair and moved to Sam's side. "How about a bath?"

He closed his eyes for a moment and smiled sweetly. "That would be… nice."

"Go start without me. I need to get some things done first."

When Sybil entered the bathroom, all she could see of Sam was his nose and his knees poking out above the surface of the water like islands. Sybil slipped into the tub beside him. The water level rose above Sam's nose. He spluttered and coughed.

"Sorry," she said with a playful smile.

Sam glared at her. She looked at him apologetically. That stare of his truly was frightening. The intensity of those eyes drilled right through her. He suddenly noticed his own expression and looked sideways into the water. Every inch of Sybil's body was squashed against his bare skin. Her breasts pushed on his chest. The pressure made them look even bigger than usual. Sam tried to touch them.

Suddenly he stopped. "I have limited mobility," he said as if this was some great epiphany.

"You don't say?" said Sybil sarcastically.

Sam glared at her. "I mean I can't move and I'm comfortable with that. Normally I get anxious when I'm restrained." He looked at the ceiling with a relieved expression. "I can't hurt you here."

"You could still drown me."

"Not if you're on top of me."

"You would let me do that? Surely that woman…"

"Yes, but it's better than the alternative."

Sybil smiled and moved into a more comfortable position. The water sloshed over the edge. She kissed him briefly.

"You don't have to be in the tub for that."

"But I do. Here I can't turn you over. It's just not physically possible."

"You'd have a hard time doing it on the bed either. I'm not some fragile spring flower."

"Neither are those men in the cells, Sybil, and I kept control over myself with them. You're asking me to throw away my inhibitions at a time when you are completely vulnerable. There has to be something keeping me back if I can't do it myself. That's what the ropes were for."

"Sam, you lost control with me before and you didn't hurt me."

"When?"

"In the Tan Office. You were screaming and fighting against me, but even in that blind fear, you knew I wasn't an enemy. You didn't attack me."

"I tried to…"

"Then you failed. I won that round. I defeated the beast. If I can do it once, I can do it again."

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" asked Sam

"Yes." Sybil said as she joined her husband on the bed.

"Really?"

"No, only fools are that stubborn. I know that there is a possibility that I may be completely wrong, but I'm not convinced that the risk is too high."

Sybil straddled her husband and kissed him deeply. Sam was eager to reply. They agreed that it would be best for him to let her lead as she wanted. He didn't want to be too rough. Sam just couldn't say no to a woman, especially Sybil. He was all too willing to play a submissive role if it meant that she would be happy.

"Don't be so tense," she said.

"I can't help it. I keep thinking about her."

"Perhaps I can help you with that. I'll do something she didn't do."

"She did a lot of things," Sam said solemnly.

"I want all of you, every inch. She would not have done this."

Sam's breath stopped.

"No! Don't do that! I don't want you to have to do that!"

Sybil caught on. "I'm not giving you oral." Sam relaxed a bit. "Not yet that is." Sam started shaking.

Sybil put her hands on Sam's chest and leaned in for a kiss. Sam parted his teeth to let her through. He felt her tongue pass over every surface in his mouth. She was much more aggressive than he had expected.

Sybil moved on. She licked Sam's chin and pulled his head back so she could suck the underside of his jaw. He flinched as she followed the scar on his neck and up to his ear. She put her mouth over it and dipped her tongue into every nook.

"That's nice," he said softly.

Her mouth was warm. No one had ever been so attentive to his ears and it felt amazing. She licked behind it and held her lips around his earlobe. He sighed in disappointment when she moved on to the corner of his eye. He closed them tightly, but Sybil's soft tongue relaxed his eyelids. She sucked on the spot between his eyebrows until they fell out of his usual angry expression. His face became tranquil just as if he were sleeping. She followed the side of his nose to his mouth and kissed him again.

"You're right," he said. "No one's ever done that to me before."

Sybil picked up Sam's hand and licked the underside of his wrist. She dragged her tongue up over his rough palm and into the crook of his thumb. She sucked on the skin gently for a moment before following his forefinger up to the tip. She laced her fingers with his and examined his fingerprints. She licked and sucked on each one and did the same for his other hand. The tension in Sam's arms disappeared.

No one had ever paid so much attention to him in this way. Sybil looked at him as if he was the only man on the disc, and even the disc's existence was up for debate.

She followed his collarbone down to the base of his neck and licked the hollow between his bones. She kissed him and sucked the skin just above it. Sam moaned lightly and Sybil could feel the vibrations of his voice. She sucked a little further up.

"Say something, Sam."

"What?"

"Tell me you love me."

Sam blushed and started trembling.

"I…" His voice quavered and vibrated against Sybil's lips. "I…" Sam swallowed. His Adams apple passed along her tongue. His body squirmed a bit under her. "Is that really what you want? You would let someone like me love you?" He turned his head and his breathing became shallow and quick. She could tell he was about to cry.

"No not at all," she said and put her lips to his ear "Why would I accept the love of someone who is only  _like_  you when I have the original right in front of me? A reproduction just wouldn't be good enough."

* * *

"It hurts…" Sam murmured.

"Is it really that painful to be with me? Is it okay for me to keep you still?"

"Yes! It can go on hurting. I don't care! I want to hold you and never let go! Please take me. Own me. Keep me… I… I love you…"

Sybil kissed him softly at first. Sam increased the intensity. He pushed his tongue inside her mouth and frantically claimed every piece of it. Sybil sucked his lip eagerly. She pulled at his tongue determined to keep him inside. She slid his body on top of her and let gravity aid in the pressure.

Sam gasped and went back in. He swirled his tongue under hers and let her raid the inside of his mouth. He moaned and tangled his fingers in her hair. She followed his scar down his back with one hand and grabbed his ass. Sam gasped and pushed his hips forward eliciting a groan from Sybil.

"I want you, Sam."

His face looked torn.

"You said you love me," said Sybil. "Now show me how you feel."

A moment of indecision crossed his face.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more certain about anything in my entire life."

He still hesitated.

"I love you, Sam."

His inhibitions shattered. He kissed her greedily and grabbed one of her breasts. He placed kisses all the way down her neck and sucked on her nipple. He licked the sensitive underside and buried his nose in the crease. He pushed his hips forward and his cock grew hard against her. She gasped and clutched his ass with both hands.

Sam rubbed his hand down her side. He swirled his tongue around her nipple and sucked fiercely on the very center. Sybil raised her hips and spread her legs invitingly.

Sam froze. He closed his eyes tightly and leaned back. Sybil watched him expectantly. Her huge chest rose and fell rapidly.

"Do it, Sam," she said eagerly.

He flinched and his face fell.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have a sonky," he blushed.

"Second drawer from the bottom. They should be on the right."

Sam was back in a flash but when he positioned himself, he stopped. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a calming breath. He pushed a little and cringed. His hands shook against Sybil's legs. Sam's breathing became labored and his face fearful. Sybil moved herself closer to him, but he recoiled.

"Sam?"

"I can't do it. I can't."

"Sam, open your eyes."

He slowly complied but did not look at her.

"Where are you, Sam?

"I… I'm in your house, the Ramkin estate on Scoone Avenue."

Sybil decided not to press the fact that it was his house too.

"Look at me."

"Sam closed his eyes and shook his head."

"Keep your eyes open, Sam."

He opened them halfway but still didn't look at her. His eyes were misty.

"What do you see over there?" she asked.

"The curtains are closed. I can't see outside."

Sybil rolled her eyes.

"Can you hear anything?"

"Nothing unusual."

"What kind of flooring do I have?"

"It's wood but there's a rug on it."

"Look at me, Sam."

He did but very slowly.

"Who am I?"

"You're…"

"Say it."

"You're Lady Sybil Ramkin…"

"And?"

"… my wife."

"So then?"

"You're Sybil Vimes," He whispered barely able to keep his eyes open.

"We are not where you were before, Sam. I am not that woman. Look around. This is entirely different. You are not the same as you were then. You are better, older, wiser, and much more influential that that Samuel Vimes. No one can pull the same trick on you twice."

Sybil sat up and blew a puff of air at Sam's face. He flinched at the unexpected movement. She smiled at him and took both his hands.

"Right now, if you saw that woman again, you wouldn't be scared at all. Even though you've retired, your men will always see you as their captain. You could break both her legs, knock her out, and drag her to Psuedopolis Yard. You wouldn't even have to say anything for them to rule it self-defense."

"You have a good report with the Patrician. If you asked, I'm sure he would give you access to his scorpion pit. You can even hire an assassin to take her out. You are  _not_  the same. In all actuality, you won't have to do any of those things. You can look at her with eyes that have stared down a dragon's mouth. No one can do those things to you, now."

She blew at Sam's face again. He didn't flinch this time.

"Keep your eyes open. No one tricks you twice." Sybil kissed him on the cheek. "Will you try again?"

Sam touched his forehead to hers and looked at her with those soft eyes that she loved so much.

"Tell me you love me," he said.

"I love you, Sam."

"He smiled and held her close."

"You are not a trick, Sybil. I know you are real." Sam kissed her neck and ear. "I want to show you something. Could you lie down? Tell me if you don't like it."

Sybil did as she was told. Sam traced his hands from her sides down to her crotch. He leaned down and opened her lips. She tilted her hips so he could see her better and watched him expectantly. He lowered his head and licked her. Sybil gasped.

"Oh, please do that again," she begged and spread her legs wider.

Sybil moaned and held onto Sam's hair as he moved his tongue up and down the center. He twisted his tongue and rubbed it from side to side, touching every surface. He sucked on some parts searching for areas that made her gasp the most. He swirled his tongue in circles around her entrance and watched it twitch in anticipation. He suddenly attacked her clit making Sybil scream in pleasure.

"Gods, Sam, don't stop!"

He sucked hard on her clit before moving back down. The hole was open and soaking wet. He thrust his tongue inside. Sybil gasped and raised her hips. She tightened around his tongue. Sam rolled her clit between his fingers while pushing his tongue in and out. He periodically switched to roughly licking her weak points and sucking on her clit. Every movement made her moan and brought her closer to the edge.

"I want you! Fuck me, Sam! Please, I can't stand it!"

Sam pulled his face away and moved his cock into place. Sybil was more than ready. Her pussy opened and closed as if it could suck his dick in at any moment. He pushed the tip in.

"Put it all in. Fill me up inside."

He pushed in further slowly until he was fully enclosed by her tight pussy. Sybil was panting heavily. Sam hesitated.

"Don't be so mean, Sam," she whined. "Take me."

He started moving carefully but with increasing power. His dick grew as he drove in and out of her. Her pussy gripped his cock and made every second a new paradise.

"Sybil, you feel amazing! I don't want to stop!"

"Keep going, fuck me harder!"

Sybil kissed him and the thrill spurred him into greater intensity. Sam pulled out to the tip and forcefully thrust his cock into her as far as he could. He gasped and pumped her pussy again and again. He forced his cock through her tight walls and moaned as she sucked on him on the way out.

"Tell me you love me." Sam panted.

"I love you!"

Sybil kissed him deeply. She arched her back and climaxed, but Sam didn't.

"Please, can I come?" he pleaded.

"Um, yes?"

Almost instantly, Sam's whole body shuddered. He thrust into her once more and came hard. He let his body down and rolled onto his back panting.

"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly.

"I haven't felt that good in a long time," said Sybil. She turned on her side and hugged her husband.

"Do you need me to do anything else?" he muttered barely able to get the words out.

"No, you've made me very happy."

He held on to her. His eyes were closed.

"Thank you," he said softly. He snuggled closer to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You don't have to be sorry."

Sam's breathing evened out.

"I'm sorry…" His voice was barely audible. He was already asleep before Sybil could answer.

* * *

"You're not hurt are you?" Sam asked.

"I'm more than fine, Sam. It's not easy to get a woman to climax before you."

"I know," he whispered.

"She taught you that."

Sam nodded. "I can't come before you. I have to finish what I started. I did it properly this time."

"I'm still amazed at how you can hold back so well."

"I had to. If I came too quickly then she…"

"And you had to ask? That's just torture! What would happen if she said no?"

Sam didn't answer.


End file.
